10 Ways to Help Prevent Student Athlete Suicide

A student athlete dying by suicide is devastating. Here are ways you can help today.

Use these 10 tips if you are feeling well enough to help, want to do something because you're not sure how to reach out, or you want to help make sure no one in your community loses someone to suicide.

My husband and I have been doing suicide prevention work for the last 10 years.  My husband wrote a play about becoming a father. In the play, he talks about his own childhood and how his dad died by suicide. He has performed the play all over the country. Before the show begins, I am often in the lobby meeting people in the audience. Nearly every single person in the audience that I have talked to shares with me how they know someone that has died by suicide. We have had professionals speaking to the issue after the shows and we make sure that the events are always a safe place for people to share their stories and be heard. Through that experience, I have learned some things that will help. 

#1 If you are well, IT IS ON YOU to reach out

So often after a tragic loss, I see people sharing the suicide hotline number (1-800-273-8255). While that is helpful, we CANNOT rely on those that are hurting to take care of it all by themselves. If you are well, IT IS ON YOU TO REACH OUT. Check in on all your people consistently. It doesn't have to be a full conversation. Just send a text checking in, ask how's it going, say I'm here if you need anything. Let them know they are never alone. Let them know you're there for them and you're just a text away. And if you are well, be on the lookout for any behaviors of your people that feel off. And when you see it, check in. Even if people don't always respond or have a lot to say, at least they know you are there for them and sometimes that can mean everything.

TAKE ACTION NOW: Text someone and check in. Say hello and see how they are doing. Let them know, you're just checking on them and hope they're well.

#2 When something big happens check in now and later

If something major happens in someone's life, we know it is socially important to check in and help. But long after the big thing happens, it's important to check in again. Grief, hurt, hardship, sadness, pain can last forever. Keep checking in on the people in your life long after a tragedy or a major event or a loss. No need to fix it or make it all better or have a solution, just checking in will show them you are there for everything big and small.

TAKE ACTION NOW: Text someone and check in who went through something a while ago. Say hello and see how they are doing. Let them know, you're just checking on them and hope they're hanging in there.

#3 We are more than our title

Do not let a title define your identity to the point that all else is lost. If you are a coach and/or a parent, make sure the kids know that they are a human that is precious and necessary and sacred and loved in this world. It is important that they are here and THAT YOU TELL THEM THIS OFTEN. They may not respond, they may roll their eyes, they may shrug you off, but you need to tell them. They aren't just an athlete or a student. And for that matter you aren't just a coach or a parent. It is vital that we are all here and we are alive and we are loved no matter what our position or title in life.

TAKE ACTION NOW: Tell your team you value them as important people.

#4 Unconditionally love them and SAY IT

This should go without saying, but they need to hear it and know it and you have to say it over and over. They need to know that whatever they do, you will still love them. You don't love their stats or their wins. You don't love their position or only love them when they play. You love them ALL THE TIME and NO MATTER WHAT. Tell them all the time. They need to know that as things in life change, you still love them no matter what happens.

TAKE ACTION NOW: Tell someone important to you that love them no matter what.

#5 Be a safe place always and say it

You need to be a safe place where they can come to you. If things get to be too much in any way, be a safe place where they can tell you anything. Let them come to you and talk without fear of anger, punishment, or negative consequences. If they are sharing a problem be there with them to work it out. Whatever life's problems, we can usually fix it or work through it or feel our feelings through it. If we do it together starting from a safe place, we will be stronger for it. Check in frequently (even when things are going well) to make sure they know you are safe place.

TAKE ACTION NOW: Let someone you know that you will always be a safe place to them, that they can come to you no matter what and you'll be there to listen.

#6 Know each other's experiences especially the hard stuff

Don't let experiences of pain get swept under the rug. Talk about the hard stuff. Talk about how it hurts and how you felt. Talk about all of it. Kids need to know that we feel pain too, we experience anger and hurt and sadness. They need to know that this is common to being human and it's something that we have all had and will continue to have throughout life. They need to know that feeling big feelings is hard AND you can get through it.

If someone is coming to you to share hard stuff, listen. Just listen. Hear what they are saying. Hear what they want to get out. Give them space to say everything and space to feel their feelings. Don't solve it or brush over it or simplify it. Just give them total space to talk and feel.

TAKE ACTION NOW: Learn a little more about someone and learn about their life. Get to know them so you have a deeper understanding of where they're coming from. 

#7 Buddy up

This is a school age field trip rule, but it makes sense for life too. Find a partner. Make sure everyone on the team has a friend. Make sure everyone in your life has a friend, be that friend even! Make sure you have a friend too. Someone to talk to, to listen to, to go to when things get hard, to go to when they feel pain and they feel joy. Be that friend to others and make sure no one is ever left out.

TAKE ACTION NOW: Make sure every player on your team has a friend.

#8 Make sure your people are getting what they need emotionally

Generally speaking to satisfy our emotional needs, we as humans need: a safe place to express thoughts and feelings; feeling that we are competent at something; knowing people care about us; feeling loved (even if we make a mistake); belonging in a group or family; a safe place to be; and knowing we have someone that will help if I need it.

Do all your people have what they need? Do they know they have this? Can you provide it to them? Reach out and make sure they know it. Lead your team to make sure they can count on you for any or all of this and help them give this to the people in their lives. 

TAKE ACTION NOW: Reach out and tell someone you care about them. Tell them you're happy that they're in your life and you are always there for them.

#9 Keep your judgments out of it

If someone comes to you with something big (and hard to say). Don't judge them. Love them. Accept them. If you wouldn't make that choice, that's fine. If you disagree, that's fine. But don't say it when they bring it to you. Just listen and accept them. If they come to you saying they are going to quit their sport, don't judge. Just accept. If they say they need to express the boundaries or identity of their gender or sexuality, don't judge. Just accept. It's likely that you will have your own feelings when someone you care about brings big news to you. And you need time for that too, but not with them when they first tell you. Love them. Accept them. Be there for them no matter what.

TAKE ACTION NOW: Think through what is really important. Realize that we might have many differences, but feeling loved and accepted reign above all.

#10 Check on yourself

Feelings can get too big to hold for anyone sometimes. Make sure you are taking care of yourself too. Talk with a friend, give yourself space, follow all of the tips in this post for yourself and your well-being. We need everyone to have a safe place and that includes you.

TAKE ACTION NOW: Are you holding something in you need to share? Reach out to a trusted friend and share what you are feeling. 

We don't have total control over someone else, so we can't completely prevent the worst from happening. But you can take these 10 ways and make sure the people in your life know that they are loved and that you want them to stay alive. Make sure you tell them. Make sure you do everything you can when people are with us, so they don't leave us.

For professional organizations and resources for more help: